2017 was easily the most challenging year of my life(to date). It started poorly, I was alone in a foreign country. All the support system I thought I built, not only disappeared, but was causing me harm the longer I was there. A person who I thought was a close friend, showed their true colors and was emotionally abusive. We are no longer friends; it is much healthier for me this way.
February was the worst month. The saving grace was I started my placement working in a play school. Those children saved me from myself. I felt like I was drowning, alone, until about a week after I started. Being around inquisitive bright children made all the difference for me. And I kind of snapped out of it, found my feet again and moved forward. During this period of time I had lost most, if not all, motivation in my grad school program. I kind of developed stress induced narcolepsy. I would try to work on my finals, and I would fall asleep within a few minutes, waking up hours later confused.
Summer rolled around and my housemates and I started going to the beach regularly, Wales has stunning beaches. 10/10 would recommend. Being out in the sun made a huge difference as well. I took a mental health vacation and went to Morocco. It was the best 10 days I may have had ever. The culture was inspiring, the people were compassionate and kind. The people I interacted with on my tour were lovely, many of whom triggered a shift in my world view. It was the first Muslim country I have ever visited. I could write a whole book. Morocco was unbelievable. Towards the end of my trip I met two Dutch men and they were interesting. One made me laugh so much I lost my voice the next day. He and I ended up meeting up on the two other excursion trips I made. France and the Netherlands were my last two trips. This guy gave me the support I needed to finish my program and make me happy again all while being across the Channel. He and I aren't close now, it was one of those 'in the season' relationships, but it changed me for the better.
By some miracle, I not only submitted by deadline, but I passed my classes of my new program. Over the Summer I visited the States. We went and visited my grandparents. It was nice to be in the super heat after the damp of Britain. I went back and packed up my house. There was a wonderful expected surprise, my cousin came to visit. She had just moved to Germany with her family. It was a real blessing that she got to visit. I packed up and I left Britain. Saying good riddance, but maybe that will change.
Once back in the States, I was home for a week. It was crazy and chaotic time because it was a short window and I moved to California. I started a job as a nanny. I love the family I nanny for. The boys are wonderful, their parents are wonderful, and I don't even mind the Labrador who thinks he is a lap dog. California is a surprising wonderful fit for me. The back of my mind I wanted to hate it. It is really difficult to hate a place where its sunny and warm consistently.
There was a slow start in California for me. I saw my mom's best friend. She is a real life fairy godmother. When I am with her, I feel safe and cared for and wanted. After so many months of not feeling that, it has made a big difference. The support I had over this year has proven to me that with the proper support I can do anything.
I know 100% this is true because I started a second grad school program, legitimately the best schooling I have ever done. Marriage and Family therapy is a goal of mine. I had a semester of overlap. It was the dumbest thing I thought I could do, to be fair, though I did accomplish it. I did two grad school programs at once. Saying it there is still a mental disconnect. This took an army of people supporting me to accomplish. I did it.
Shortly after the term finished, I went home. Christmas was Monday. My sister got married on Wednesday. It was been a crazy full year.
I am able to do anything I set my mind to. I need to write goals for 2018, lets see what happens. I have proven my abilities to myself.
Saturday, December 30, 2017
Monday, July 17, 2017
28 Days: All Good Things Come to an End
Well ladies and Gents,
My British adventure comes to an end in. I move back in 28 short days.
Time here has been a learning and growing experience. School has given me a new perspective on my expectations for children. Living in another country has shown me a different way of life. There have been so many people that I am grateful I met. And some people I am wholly grateful will be 3,799 miles away. Both types of people have taught me more about myself than I expected.
I have learned to trust my instincts and that I am stronger than I knew. Moving to a new country alone took more courage than I thought I would ever have. It paid off.
I have a lot to do between now and then. I need to sell everything I can't bring back. I need to clean my house and pack. I have to work on my dissertation and a re-submission.
I have come up with a bucket list of things I want to do before I leave, as it will be a really long time before I will make it across the pond again.
1. I want to go to Harry Potter Studios
Harry Potter consisted of most of my childhood. I loved reading because I loved these books. The first book came out in June 1997, I was just over 4. And the last Harry Potter film (of the original series) came out July 2011, which is just over 6 weeks after I graduated from high school. Needless to say it has been a huge influence on my life. Sentimental as I am it made the top of the list
2. I want to go to Rhossili Bay, at Sunset, on my last Sunday here
This was one of the first beaches I went to in Wales. If you haven't been down the Gower make it a priority. This beach has been in the top 10 most beautiful beaches in the WORLD and top in the UK, as of 2014. I would love to take photos to commemorate the end of an era.
3. Kaspa's
It is a dessert bar and has been the place I go to celebrate. The local one had some health code issues but maybe I will find a different... or just risk it.
4. Hike Pen-y-Fan
This is the highest peak in South Wales. And I want to take a place with the marker.
Time is winding down quickly.
What am I doing next?
I don't completely know yet but....
I am ready for my next step and a new adventure!
So now I can say lets adventure and:
Sunday, February 5, 2017
Satan v Sara
The new year started and I was determined to be better than 2016. Much like most of the world it was not the best for me. I have a friend Sara who told me, at 20 that there is to be expected a mid 20s kick in the pants.... well it seems mine decided to make a a brief preview.
As a religious person I believe in Satan. A powerful negative being who influences people to do bad. If you reading this are not religious you should still be accustomed to the idea.
This week was amazing and complicated. And let me tell you Satan is enemy numero uno. I have been prepping to start my term again, it starts Tuesday. One of my professors has withdrawn from teaching on medical leave, she is ill. I hope she finds the helps she needs and that it doesn't effect my grades. My knew professors are more more stringent and that makes me a little nervous. We shall have to see.
During the middle of the week I had a meeting with my adviser. I learned that my program doesn't qualify me in the way I thought it did. So I panicked a little about what I was doing in Wales.(read as a three hour meltdown involving crying and skyping my mother since initially I thought it meant I wouldn't be able to get hired following graduation). I felt the biggest wave of doubt and hopelessness that I have ever felt to date. I was ready to pack my bags and leave forever. I felt like I had wasted the better part of 6 months of my life.I have rarely felt so alone in my life. I started praying when I finally slowed my mind down enough to think enough to do anything other than panic. And lets be real I was at the very end of my rope. I couldn't take anymore. The month of January was potentially the most trying month I have ever had. I won't go into it but it was something I wouldn't wish on the most evil people who have existed. And God in His love and compassion knew that I couldn't take anymore. The fear melted away and I figured out that I just need to have more supervised observation and I should be fully employable.
I think I prayed more sincerely in the last month than I have in the past 3 years. And those years have been hard, they felt impossible. Satan put me through the ringer and he lost, as he always will.I won't let him. He has no right. I have come to far, we all have come too far to let him win.
There aren't very many times when I feel confident or strong in my faith. But today I do. And what a great feeling to have on a fast Sunday.
Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes the peaks and valleys are small ripples and other times they feel like mountains. Either way they have to be conquered.
As a religious person I believe in Satan. A powerful negative being who influences people to do bad. If you reading this are not religious you should still be accustomed to the idea.
This week was amazing and complicated. And let me tell you Satan is enemy numero uno. I have been prepping to start my term again, it starts Tuesday. One of my professors has withdrawn from teaching on medical leave, she is ill. I hope she finds the helps she needs and that it doesn't effect my grades. My knew professors are more more stringent and that makes me a little nervous. We shall have to see.
During the middle of the week I had a meeting with my adviser. I learned that my program doesn't qualify me in the way I thought it did. So I panicked a little about what I was doing in Wales.(read as a three hour meltdown involving crying and skyping my mother since initially I thought it meant I wouldn't be able to get hired following graduation). I felt the biggest wave of doubt and hopelessness that I have ever felt to date. I was ready to pack my bags and leave forever. I felt like I had wasted the better part of 6 months of my life.I have rarely felt so alone in my life. I started praying when I finally slowed my mind down enough to think enough to do anything other than panic. And lets be real I was at the very end of my rope. I couldn't take anymore. The month of January was potentially the most trying month I have ever had. I won't go into it but it was something I wouldn't wish on the most evil people who have existed. And God in His love and compassion knew that I couldn't take anymore. The fear melted away and I figured out that I just need to have more supervised observation and I should be fully employable.
I think I prayed more sincerely in the last month than I have in the past 3 years. And those years have been hard, they felt impossible. Satan put me through the ringer and he lost, as he always will.I won't let him. He has no right. I have come to far, we all have come too far to let him win.
There aren't very many times when I feel confident or strong in my faith. But today I do. And what a great feeling to have on a fast Sunday.
Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes the peaks and valleys are small ripples and other times they feel like mountains. Either way they have to be conquered.
Saturday, December 31, 2016
2016: The Year of Perspective Change and Growth
2016 started with a bang. I was a recent college graduate, who had her most serious relationship fall apart. The loneliness was awful. Losing a best friend and confidant is not something I would wish on anyone. Luckily though, I had work prearranged, which meant I was working and keeping busy. My job at the hospital has always been great. It has its ups and downs of all jobs and generally I enjoyed it. I worked on a few projects over my time there and they were usually time consuming and brain numbing, but they helped me save for grad school and gave me experience.
In March, I went to China to visit my Aunt with my mother. it was a crazy experience to go there. Culturally it is nothing like anything I have ever experienced before. And it opened my eyes,once again, to how people can live differently and do things I don't understand, but still be happy. Split pants on babies are still odd to me, google it. It is so funny! I loved seeing the panda bears and this was the year they came of the endangered list. The amount of pollution and the level of need I saw in a few places really broke my heart. I think China has the potential to be one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, if the pollution was under control. I developed temporary asthma. And I coughed so hard I was ill almost every day. Living a life time with that is something I don't think I will ever comprehend. I can say I do miss people telling me how pretty I am and taking my picture. At the time it was kind of annoying, but it was definitely good for the confidence.
Shortly after returning home, I started being a nanny. It was gratifying to help two little boys learn and grow over the course of a few months. They made a ton of progress and have the potential to be great people. I spent more time with them than their parents did which allowed me to see the affect it has on kids. All kids want is to be loved and spend time with their parent(s). They don't care about fancy new things. That is an adult construct. They want and need your time and attention as a parent. About half way through the summer I got really annoyed with my health. I was always tired, keeping up with the boys was difficult and I didn't feel good about me. Turns out over the course of a year I gained like 30 lbs due to a medication I was on. Side effects are real people! So I made a massive change. I started a doctor monitored weigh loss program through a local hospital. It was an interesting and awkward experience because it was focused at the severely obese. At my heaviest I was obese. I never thought I would get to that point. It happened so slowly I didn't even notice the weight gain. So this became the challenge. I have lost all the weight and am back to just below where I started. I have maintained this weight loss even with my big move to Wales, which in itself is a miracle. I had a lot of motivation to change. I had a goal to get healthy this year and I am in a much better place now. Next year I want to continue this, maintaining weight loss is really difficult. If I can maintain for 6 months, then my body will kind of reset, and this will become my new normal weight. I have 2 months to go. And I am determined. Once my weight "resets" I will be able to lose more weight, if I so choose to do so. I will because weight creep is an issue and I don't want to have to start over. Moving to Wales was really grateful this. The British palate is different than mine. Most fast food and junk foods don't really taste good to me; chocolate being the exception. and have mercy their chocolate is good! It helped a lot because, I couldn't stress eat anymore.
I was in Wales for a grand total of 91 days. The first 42 I count as my adjusting period. The beginning was really difficult. The accent was initially difficult to understand (especially on the elderly) the customs are different, and I had no idea what I was doing. This time consisted of learning mostly about where I am going, the difference in tipping, and how there are some words that are okay in one country, but not in the other.(side note: I have only made the word mistake a handful of times, and no one hates me, to my knowledge, so that is good).I honestly think I had to have been a miserable person to be around, since I was on the verge of a mental break down the whole time. Ironically, this is the time when I have been introduced to my friends in Wales. And they are fab for putting up with me ha ha.
Since coming to Wales I have moved twice, once into my first flat and then into my current house. My flat was sweet and my flat mates are amazing people, but it was such a small space I was feeling majorly claustrophobic and it was super far away from everything. I am currently living in a house, where my housemates are also amazing, but it is a much more centralized location and I have more than double the amount of space in my room. Moving into this house was the first time I encountered true issues for being an international student.Moving into my new house I had to pay double the deposit because I didn't have a parent/ guardian or relative to co-sign. I have never encountered this before, during my undergraduate degree, I didn't need a co-signer. It forced to rearrange my finances a little bit.
The next issue I encountered was finding work, which I have yet to do. I have applied for countless job, I have lost track. The number of rejection letter, or radio silence are equal to the number of applications I have submitted. A few people have mentioned that they don't hire anyone who can't work at least 30 hours a week. As an international student 20 is the maximum number of hours I can work. There is not a type of work I haven't applied for at this point, I have extended how far I am willing to travel and nothing. Talking to lots of my international student course mates, this is a common issue. No wonder people who study are drowning in debt if it is impossible. It is a system that punishes the people who have had to work twice as hard to get where they are going. Moving internationally is not cheap (I mean still cheaper than grad school in the States but still). I now understand the life of an immigrant much more. I feel deeply compassionate towards those who pick up their lives and move to a new place. They need a support system just like the rest of us and it is hard to find. I was really lucky, because of my being an active member of a church I immediately was able to find support. If I hadn't had them or their level of kindness, this would have been a very different experience. If there was a way to properly thank everyone I would, but I don't have the words or the means to do so. So love to everyone!!!!
Being home for Christmas has been lush. This is the first time in a few years when we all have been home. I am grateful for all the memories we have made and the things we have done. Even though we don't always get along I am glad I have them in my life( usually... just kidding). It is really hard to be thousands of miles from home. 2017 will be a year of hard work and travel. I have some big goals I want to accomplish, hopefully they will happen. Just remember, there is no such thing as being lost; only adventure.
In March, I went to China to visit my Aunt with my mother. it was a crazy experience to go there. Culturally it is nothing like anything I have ever experienced before. And it opened my eyes,once again, to how people can live differently and do things I don't understand, but still be happy. Split pants on babies are still odd to me, google it. It is so funny! I loved seeing the panda bears and this was the year they came of the endangered list. The amount of pollution and the level of need I saw in a few places really broke my heart. I think China has the potential to be one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, if the pollution was under control. I developed temporary asthma. And I coughed so hard I was ill almost every day. Living a life time with that is something I don't think I will ever comprehend. I can say I do miss people telling me how pretty I am and taking my picture. At the time it was kind of annoying, but it was definitely good for the confidence.
Shortly after returning home, I started being a nanny. It was gratifying to help two little boys learn and grow over the course of a few months. They made a ton of progress and have the potential to be great people. I spent more time with them than their parents did which allowed me to see the affect it has on kids. All kids want is to be loved and spend time with their parent(s). They don't care about fancy new things. That is an adult construct. They want and need your time and attention as a parent. About half way through the summer I got really annoyed with my health. I was always tired, keeping up with the boys was difficult and I didn't feel good about me. Turns out over the course of a year I gained like 30 lbs due to a medication I was on. Side effects are real people! So I made a massive change. I started a doctor monitored weigh loss program through a local hospital. It was an interesting and awkward experience because it was focused at the severely obese. At my heaviest I was obese. I never thought I would get to that point. It happened so slowly I didn't even notice the weight gain. So this became the challenge. I have lost all the weight and am back to just below where I started. I have maintained this weight loss even with my big move to Wales, which in itself is a miracle. I had a lot of motivation to change. I had a goal to get healthy this year and I am in a much better place now. Next year I want to continue this, maintaining weight loss is really difficult. If I can maintain for 6 months, then my body will kind of reset, and this will become my new normal weight. I have 2 months to go. And I am determined. Once my weight "resets" I will be able to lose more weight, if I so choose to do so. I will because weight creep is an issue and I don't want to have to start over. Moving to Wales was really grateful this. The British palate is different than mine. Most fast food and junk foods don't really taste good to me; chocolate being the exception. and have mercy their chocolate is good! It helped a lot because, I couldn't stress eat anymore.
I was in Wales for a grand total of 91 days. The first 42 I count as my adjusting period. The beginning was really difficult. The accent was initially difficult to understand (especially on the elderly) the customs are different, and I had no idea what I was doing. This time consisted of learning mostly about where I am going, the difference in tipping, and how there are some words that are okay in one country, but not in the other.(side note: I have only made the word mistake a handful of times, and no one hates me, to my knowledge, so that is good).I honestly think I had to have been a miserable person to be around, since I was on the verge of a mental break down the whole time. Ironically, this is the time when I have been introduced to my friends in Wales. And they are fab for putting up with me ha ha.
Since coming to Wales I have moved twice, once into my first flat and then into my current house. My flat was sweet and my flat mates are amazing people, but it was such a small space I was feeling majorly claustrophobic and it was super far away from everything. I am currently living in a house, where my housemates are also amazing, but it is a much more centralized location and I have more than double the amount of space in my room. Moving into this house was the first time I encountered true issues for being an international student.Moving into my new house I had to pay double the deposit because I didn't have a parent/ guardian or relative to co-sign. I have never encountered this before, during my undergraduate degree, I didn't need a co-signer. It forced to rearrange my finances a little bit.
The next issue I encountered was finding work, which I have yet to do. I have applied for countless job, I have lost track. The number of rejection letter, or radio silence are equal to the number of applications I have submitted. A few people have mentioned that they don't hire anyone who can't work at least 30 hours a week. As an international student 20 is the maximum number of hours I can work. There is not a type of work I haven't applied for at this point, I have extended how far I am willing to travel and nothing. Talking to lots of my international student course mates, this is a common issue. No wonder people who study are drowning in debt if it is impossible. It is a system that punishes the people who have had to work twice as hard to get where they are going. Moving internationally is not cheap (I mean still cheaper than grad school in the States but still). I now understand the life of an immigrant much more. I feel deeply compassionate towards those who pick up their lives and move to a new place. They need a support system just like the rest of us and it is hard to find. I was really lucky, because of my being an active member of a church I immediately was able to find support. If I hadn't had them or their level of kindness, this would have been a very different experience. If there was a way to properly thank everyone I would, but I don't have the words or the means to do so. So love to everyone!!!!
Being home for Christmas has been lush. This is the first time in a few years when we all have been home. I am grateful for all the memories we have made and the things we have done. Even though we don't always get along I am glad I have them in my life( usually... just kidding). It is really hard to be thousands of miles from home. 2017 will be a year of hard work and travel. I have some big goals I want to accomplish, hopefully they will happen. Just remember, there is no such thing as being lost; only adventure.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Croeso i Abertawe| Welcome to Swansea
I made it! After months of prepping and a few mental break downs I am finally here. Wales is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. It is so green. I am from Ohio, which is a green place, but Swansea just has this energy that I love. The under current motivates me to walk miles every day.
I have learned a lot in my few days here. For example there is no such thing as Jaywalking.
Rexburg, where I did my undergraduate degree, fines you like $80 if they catch you jaywalking. This has been music to my ears.
Also, because they drive on the left side of the road, I am learning to look left then right before crossing the street. I probably look crazy with how many times I check the road before I cross but I haven't had incidences with cars so:
Walking is my main mode of transport and it is so nice outside, even with the misty rain, that I don't even care. I have stepped in my fair share of puddles already. I definitely need to invest in better shoes. Flats are not really enough here. Also, I really want to find a bike. It will be faster than walking. And cabs are darn expensive.
Also in traveling, don't use street addresses. The most efficient way to find a place is the post code. Much like the zipcode in the US, but more accurate. Its almost block specific, kind of like a grid system, but British. And is pretty accurate. I have had no problems using postcodes.
Phones are interesting too. All mobiles are 07 numbers. All landlines are either 01 or 02. 03 and 08 are for call centers and marketing things;which makes it really easy to know if its a sales call. Ignore the 03 and 08 calls.
People use the nick name variety of Love, Lovey, my love etc. And honestly, it makes me so happy. If people called me lovey for the rest of my life I would be okay. It is also odd, I think American culture makes us hesitant to use the word love, in any context. It holds significant meaning to us culturally and thus we don't use it that often. So I feel bonded to strangers because they call me love. I know to them it means something different, but it is refreshing.
Something else I have learned is that Welsh people are unbelievably kind. I have had complete strangers help me with my luggage, offer me advice about buses to take and plethora of other things. I hope this continues. They have made quite the impression and it has been a positive one.
I am getting pretty settled in. I already have adjusted to the new time zone. I move into my flat on Friday. I can't wait for this adventure to really start!
Thursday, September 1, 2016
LET THE COUNT DOWN BEGIN!
My life is so important that obviously I need to write about it and share it to my friends, family and acquaintances. Over the past few months a lot has happened. The Olympics where Michael Phelps did his things, my family and I had adventures, and I started preparing for my impending travels for grad school.
There is an entire section of the internet and book stores dedicated to travel and how to prepare for it. The stress has probably given me my first gray hair. I haven't looked, to be honest, I don't really care. Gray can be really dignified and is really trendy right so I would "in".
The visa has been my biggest issue. I had to wait for my CAS.
C -Confirmation
of
A- Acceptance
for
S-Studies
Basically it is the institution saying"Yes, we are having Sara come study. No, she isn't pretending."
In order to receive a CAS, one must have an unconditional offer from the institution they are planning on attending. My unconditional offer required an FBI background check. It takes forever. 
(If you need one by a certain date make sure you submit your paperwork at least 5 months in advance. It takes 11 weeks before you can even check if they received your application.) After my university processes the background check, the rest of the planning was fairly uneventful... until I had to apply for my visa.
My school didn't email me telling me the required documents for my visa until two weeks ago. That in and of itself made me anxious. Most visas take a while to process. I complied the documents and went to the post office and mailed them. Upon returning home I found I forgot three pages of documents. The next day I overnight-ed them. Two days after that I had an email that told me I had the wrong type of return label and that I needed to pay for the online PDF return label. I wanted to rip my hair out.
Today was a glorious day. I have heard back, my visa has been granted. My passport will be returned early next week. My airplane tickets are purchased. Hotel is taken care of for when I arrive.
I will be leaving the U.S. for the United Kingdom, where I will be living, in Wales, for the next year. I am so excited for this next adventure.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Cue the Happy Dance: Winning at this Adult-ing thing
It has been a few weeks since I have posted an update for my schooling adventure!
After a months long battle with the FBI, which I won, I was able to move forward with all of the documentation and other hoops to get read for school. Honestly, this is like a mental tough mudder.
For future reference this is how applying for an FBI back ground check goes.
A 12-step program:
1. Spend 20 minutes filling out the form and pay online.
2. Wait in line for two hours to get finger printed like a common criminal
(that ink stains be careful, they give you nifty wipes and it goes away)
3. Mail the envelope to the FBI
4. Wait a grand total of 11 weeks before they can tell you if
you received the documents you mail because its a "security risk"
5. Panic at weeks 3,5,6,7,8, and 10.
6. You call on week 11; they did receive the document.
7. They process the document, by now its about week 13.
8. You call again and they say in the states it takes about 10 days to get to you.
Internationally it can take up to 3 months. (I.E. after your term starts)
9. Major panic
10. Pray for it to get there in a reasonable time.
All the while trying to convince yourself panicking is just aging you.
11. The oh so glorious day where the school emails, you saying your document
was received and to await further instruction!
12. Celebrate
My university has been really amazing about communicating with me. The time change and only being able to communicate through email has made it a semi slow process, but they have been punctual. *point to Swansea*
In order to study in the UK, a student needs a CAS or Confirmation of Acceptance for Studies. One cannot apply for a visa, as a student, without this document. That was emailed to me today! I have now completed my paperwork for my visa. It took about 45 minutes. I went to pay and it got complicated. My payment got denied because it was an international transaction.
I appreciate that banks attempt to protect my money. I really do. Bank and computer hackers are among the worst kinds of people. But not being able to do the things I need to, because they are international transactions is driving me nuts!
In other news, I have an apartment for school. Which I paid for with no problem yesterday. So I was a little confused when my transaction was denied today. If the banking system cooperates, I will have my health insurance (full coverage insurance is only $301 (yes, I do mean dollars not pounds) for the whole year) and visa finished today as well.
My dream is becoming a reality!
The last things on my list are relatively simple. Pack up my life, fly to a new country and set up my life there. Where once again, my list of to-dos will explode.
Cheers!
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