It has been a long time since I have posted anything. I thought I would update everyone on where life has taken me since 2014 began. I came home for Christmas break and stayed with my family. I have been planning on going to Saudi Arabia to teach children who were 3-8 years old for the last few months. I bought clothes that are considered socially appropriate. I have been reading the Qur'an. And I was in the process of learning Arabic.( All of those things are incredibly difficult to do in the US for anyone planning on traveling to the Middle East. It takes some for thought.)
This past week, Thursday to be exact, I learned that my visa may never come. And while the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia hasn't officially denied it, they are refusing to give it. Thus it has effectively been denied. The reasoning behind denying my visa is I am too young. As well as American, female, Christian, white, and expectant of equality. This is the first time I have been so blatantly discriminated against in my life. Those are some of the basic things that make me who I am. Things that I couldn't change even if I wanted to. And that really hurt they someone would refuse me something because of who I am, what I look like or what I believe. We still have problems with this but it is significantly better than it was. In fact I think we have a problem with being too accepting but that is another post for another day.
When I learned of the decision, I was seriously disappointed. I naively forgot that tradition is valued over progression in the Middle East. I was really looking forward to the opportunity to learn about their culture. I would then be able to prove through my personal experience that the Middle East is not as patriarchal and closed minded as is currently believed. I still plan on traveling to that area of the world even if it is years down the road. I realized that they were at least partially fearful of the influence I could have on the people there. I have always been outspoken and opinionated. And my personal beliefs on equality do not follow what has historically be socially appropriate in the Middle East. And realizing I had that kind of "power" took me aback. I honestly don't think I would have changed anything or caused change of any kind. I was going to observe culture. And I was denied that privilege.
But fear not those few of you who read this, I always have a back up plan. I have applied to work at a local Children's Hospital and I am hoping to volunteer there also. I need the experience in order to get into graduate school.
The title of this post is Haré lo que puedo which is Spanish for I'll do what I can. Right now I can't go to the Middle East. I do have many opportunities coming my way; I feel it. And I won't let one person, group, or country keep me from realizing my potential. Being home has been really relaxing. I have been able to accomplish a few things that needed to be done. I have been able to work through a few personal things that I couldn't have done otherwise. I have been able to help people. I have learned quite a bit more patience.
Haré lo que puedo has become a life commitment for me. If it is beyond my abilities I cannot expect it to happen and I won't hate myself for not being able to do something on a certain time frame. If my house is messy and I do not have time to clean it: fine. If I cannot go to my dream graduate school: fine. Life has a way of working out for the best even if it is challenging in the moment. And I will not sweat the small things anymore. It takes way too much energy. Any fellow worrier knows that letting go of this is difficult, but that is my goal for the next year. By 16 February 2015, I want to have changed my focus to the things that matter.
I have really no idea what will come next for me. I look forward to finding out. Adventure is out there I just need to find it. :)
Sara
