2017 was easily the most challenging year of my life(to date). It started poorly, I was alone in a foreign country. All the support system I thought I built, not only disappeared, but was causing me harm the longer I was there. A person who I thought was a close friend, showed their true colors and was emotionally abusive. We are no longer friends; it is much healthier for me this way.
February was the worst month. The saving grace was I started my placement working in a play school. Those children saved me from myself. I felt like I was drowning, alone, until about a week after I started. Being around inquisitive bright children made all the difference for me. And I kind of snapped out of it, found my feet again and moved forward. During this period of time I had lost most, if not all, motivation in my grad school program. I kind of developed stress induced narcolepsy. I would try to work on my finals, and I would fall asleep within a few minutes, waking up hours later confused.
Summer rolled around and my housemates and I started going to the beach regularly, Wales has stunning beaches. 10/10 would recommend. Being out in the sun made a huge difference as well. I took a mental health vacation and went to Morocco. It was the best 10 days I may have had ever. The culture was inspiring, the people were compassionate and kind. The people I interacted with on my tour were lovely, many of whom triggered a shift in my world view. It was the first Muslim country I have ever visited. I could write a whole book. Morocco was unbelievable. Towards the end of my trip I met two Dutch men and they were interesting. One made me laugh so much I lost my voice the next day. He and I ended up meeting up on the two other excursion trips I made. France and the Netherlands were my last two trips. This guy gave me the support I needed to finish my program and make me happy again all while being across the Channel. He and I aren't close now, it was one of those 'in the season' relationships, but it changed me for the better.
By some miracle, I not only submitted by deadline, but I passed my classes of my new program. Over the Summer I visited the States. We went and visited my grandparents. It was nice to be in the super heat after the damp of Britain. I went back and packed up my house. There was a wonderful expected surprise, my cousin came to visit. She had just moved to Germany with her family. It was a real blessing that she got to visit. I packed up and I left Britain. Saying good riddance, but maybe that will change.
Once back in the States, I was home for a week. It was crazy and chaotic time because it was a short window and I moved to California. I started a job as a nanny. I love the family I nanny for. The boys are wonderful, their parents are wonderful, and I don't even mind the Labrador who thinks he is a lap dog. California is a surprising wonderful fit for me. The back of my mind I wanted to hate it. It is really difficult to hate a place where its sunny and warm consistently.
There was a slow start in California for me. I saw my mom's best friend. She is a real life fairy godmother. When I am with her, I feel safe and cared for and wanted. After so many months of not feeling that, it has made a big difference. The support I had over this year has proven to me that with the proper support I can do anything.
I know 100% this is true because I started a second grad school program, legitimately the best schooling I have ever done. Marriage and Family therapy is a goal of mine. I had a semester of overlap. It was the dumbest thing I thought I could do, to be fair, though I did accomplish it. I did two grad school programs at once. Saying it there is still a mental disconnect. This took an army of people supporting me to accomplish. I did it.
Shortly after the term finished, I went home. Christmas was Monday. My sister got married on Wednesday. It was been a crazy full year.
I am able to do anything I set my mind to. I need to write goals for 2018, lets see what happens. I have proven my abilities to myself.
