Obstacles

Today is a day of huge change. I really struggle with trusting people, to the point where I push most people away. Its a really counter-productive self-defense mechanism. For the longest time I haven't trusted anyone but myself, God and Jesus. I am still convinced that at the end of the day they are the only beings I really need. I mean my parents weren't even on the list. I am pretty sure I didn't even trust myself most days. I was so scared of getting hurt or being betrayed I would have rather been alone than risk anything.

Today I realized that most people feel the same way I do. They are looking for insult, that people's words are having a secret double meaning that intends to hurt them. I realized how unhealthy that mentality is. Its like no one can talk without worrying that they need to be defensive. If we would all talk to each other and realize that we aren't victims a lot more could get done.

Realizing this made me think of one of my favorite quotes byMarianne Williamson: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

We need to be open to growth with ourselves and others.

Today and forward I will be open. I will trust more. I will acknowledge that I am not a living target and that other people feel like they are.

New Year New Challenges: Bring it!

I have been reflecting over the past year and it was crazy. I figured out at the core level who I am. I went to two weddings. I went to Europe. I adventured. I saw things I never thought I would have na oppertunity to see. I grew as a person. I let friends go, they were having a negative impact on my life and now they are gone. It was a hard lesson to learn but it was worth it. This next year will be awesome. I look forward to switching schools. I am finally starting on my major. I still have yet to determine where I will be doing that, but I should know by March.

My resolutions:

Keep working on me
   - Be more open to relationships
   - Be kind
   - Think before I speak