Cue the Happy Dance: Winning at this Adult-ing thing

It has been a few weeks since I have posted an update for my schooling adventure!

After a months long battle with the FBI, which I won, I was able to move forward with all of the documentation and other hoops to get read for school. Honestly, this is like a mental tough mudder.

For future reference this is how applying for an FBI back ground check goes.

A 12-step program:

1. Spend 20 minutes filling out the form and pay online.

2. Wait in line for two hours to get finger printed like a common criminal

(that ink stains be careful, they give you nifty wipes and it goes away)

3. Mail the envelope to the FBI

4. Wait a grand total of 11 weeks before they can tell you if

you received the documents you mail because its a "security risk"

5. Panic at weeks 3,5,6,7,8, and 10.

6. You call on week 11; they did receive the document.

7. They process the document, by now its about week 13.

8. You call again and they say in the states it takes about 10 days to get to you.

Internationally it can take up to 3 months. (I.E. after your term starts)

9. Major panic

10. Pray for it to get there in a reasonable time.

All the while trying to convince yourself panicking is just aging you.

11. The oh so glorious day where the school emails, you saying your document

was received and to await further instruction!

12. Celebrate

My university has been really amazing about communicating with me. The time change and only being able to communicate through email has made it a semi slow process, but they have been punctual. *point to Swansea*

In order to study in the UK, a student needs a CAS or Confirmation of Acceptance for Studies. One cannot apply for a visa, as a student, without this document. That was emailed to me today! I have now completed my paperwork for my visa. It took about 45 minutes. I went to pay and it got complicated. My payment got denied because it was an international transaction.

I appreciate that banks attempt to protect my money. I really do. Bank and computer hackers are among the worst kinds of people. But not being able to do the things I need to, because they are international transactions is driving me nuts!

In other news, I have an apartment for school. Which I paid for with no problem yesterday. So I was a little confused when my transaction was denied today. If the banking system cooperates, I will have my health insurance (full coverage insurance is only $301 (yes, I do mean dollars not pounds) for the whole year) and visa finished today as well.

My dream is becoming a reality!

The last things on my list are relatively simple. Pack up my life, fly to a new country and set up my life there. Where once again, my list of to-dos will explode.

Cheers!

99 problems and a stitch is... all of them

When I was a little girl my mom would make me Easter dresses and every Halloween costume I can remember. That is one of my favourite memories. We still have a few of those dresses. I decided for this year, I needed to learn a new skill or better a skill I already had. So I decided to work on my sewing skills. I want to be able to make things for my future kids, my nieces and nephews, and my friend's kids. I decided to make matching dresses for me and my cousin Sophie; we share the same birthday. I chose Violet Field Thread Patterns because I thought they were so stinkin' cute! I chose the Chloe for my little cousin and the Harlow for myself!

How cute are these:
Chloe:

Harlow:

(these pictures are the ones that come with the pattern, and are probably copywritten)

I took a sewing class in college. It was two years ago. I started with the basics and lets say I am rusty. I had to ask for a lot of help on my first project. I made a dress. Its super cute. I won't post pictures of it. This one will be much better.

One day wondering through Joann's I found the perfect dream fabric. It took weeks for it to wait to be on sale. 

I picked fabric from Joann's. Its apparel fabric. How cute is the circle lace?

Printable patterns are my new favourite thing! You can reprint them as many times as you want. I love that because now I can make these dresses for as many girls as I want. 

First I pinned and cut the lining, Lining, when cutting, always feels crunchy to me. Pinning is honestly the hardest part. Make sure the fabric is smooth and on the grain.

Then I pinned the pattern pieces to the lace and cut those.

I was really glad. The sewing really took no time at all. I was really pleased with the result.

Today I finished my second cousin's dress! Its so cute!

I didn't really take pictures in between. I will be completely honest, I get manic once the needles are involved, but here is the finished product.

My gorgeous mother is presenting:


and here is a close up:
 

The skirt is fully lined as is the bodice. I am really am proud of it.

I can't wait to see it on her!

Feel the Void and Other life Changing Typos

I openly discuss the fact that I have anxiety. It causes me to do a lot of things that I internally smack myself around for at least a week, sometimes longer(depending heavily on what I did). When anxious I frequently talk too much, over state things, or take things too far. 

And that is my reality. It sucks sometimes. It is not fun questioning and reliving every moment of your life, analyzing it for hours. It is something that I look forward working through some day. And some days are better than others. For example, I am much better than I was 10 years ago, or even six months ago. I have tools I use them. Having support is really important. It is difficult to understand something that you haven't experienced before. I will never understand what it is like to be Black, Asian, Hispanic, male, tall or any number of things. And I accept that. I try to understand how someone is feeling though. An emotional connect can overcome most levels of misunderstanding. 

About 24 hours ago, I all of the sudden was in this mood. I felt empty. That feeling of something missing, like when you wear a piece of jewlery (a watch or a ring) and you take it off and feeling like something important is missing. I didn't understand what was going on. I was having a great day. I went shopping with my mom, I got to talk with a few old friends, I even ate my favorite foods. Yet I felt empty. I pegged it as a flare up of depression, which usually goes hand  in hand with anxiety. It was a nagging feeling, I couldn't figure out why I felt wrong. I felt off balance. And then it hit me. I wasn't depressed. Sure I had all of the symptoms, I was tired, kind of empty inside. It didn't matter though. 

I realized I wasn't feeling anxious. For the first time in months. This past year had a lot of stressful experiences for me: college, graduation, general adulting, failed relationships, my sister coming home from her mission, and many others. All of those are good reasons for being anxious, general life anxieties, on top of my normal elevated anxiety. It became a lot to handle. The first time of not being anxious made me tired. Anxiety is exhausting and it is my norm. 

I told my daddy how I was feeling and he said I should "...start something positive to feel the void. Then you can enjoy less anxiety and have something important to focus on. Remember you deserve good."

Many people go to my daddy for advice, with good reason. This is just gold. Learning to enjoy what you have is a life long endeavor. Some people learn contentment at a young age, and some people never learn.  Exploring the emptiness I was feeling was odd. Its like walking through a friends house in the dark. I was bumbling around, unfamiliar with my surroundings. Learning to be emotionally liberated is odd and uncomfortable. Accepting all of your feelings for what they are is scary. It is one of the things that make us human though. And feeling them, with all their potential, is a lot to feel. Learning to enjoy less anxiety was easy. After getting over the initial shock I just jumped into things. It was nice not to have too many second thoughts. 

I am slowly learning to be a better person, just like everyone else around me. 

Learn to feel your voids and life is a lot happier.

Facebook Rants and Other things I have Avoided

Over the past few weeks there have been major changes in my life. I started a second job; I quit that job. I quit my job at the hospital. And I have been trying not to panic. 

I thought I could handle two jobs, let me tell you. I cannot. I am just not made to do it. My anxiety level went to an unmanageable level. I had to quit. They were really understanding about it. It was kinda surprising honestly, but I am grateful. I would totally love to work there in the future. It was great the few days I did work there. 

The hospital job, has been some place I worked for the summer for the past six years. It provided most of my income to support myself and some school expenses. I started when I was barely 18. I worked my hardest every year.  It has been consistent and many of my coworkers were great. A few people could not let me grow up, they felt I needed their specific supervision. I am an adult, I am independent and I was very good at meeting deadlines and my job in general. 

I realized it was time to move on. And if I am being my candid self, a few coworkers kept reporting me as not doing my work. I wish people could stay in their own lanes and focus on their work. It got so bad that I didn't enjoy it anymore and I knew I had to leave. Work place bullying is a problem. If you are reading this, please judge people on their work and their ability not their age. Age is not always a reflection of experience. 

I will miss my friends at work. They are great people. I miss it, but it was a safe place. There was a lot of learning on my part. It has helped me become the person I need to me. At this point in life, growth and personal development are vital. Every choice I make matters. I need to stretch myself as much as I can. 

Another reason I left is because my University said I need 400 hours working with children, before I start my program.

 This solidified that I needed to leave. Up until this point, I was unaware of this requirement. Upon this discovery, the search began. After a pretty intense freak out of  

I made a profile for a nanny website. I had many job offers. It took some research and a few interviews.

 I found a job to be a nanny! 

I didn't mention all of this to anyone because I was experiencing like 5 emotions at once. 

I felt like my brain couldn't take all of this.

And this would have been my reality:

And there would be a lot of this:

People do not need facebook rants. I don't need to dump on other people. I wanted to tell everyone. I just couldn't do that to other people. So I bottled it up until there was some stability again. Keeping my mouth shut was a really good choice. It would have been a crazy roller coaster that no one else needed to go on. Most would think I was a train wreck. 

My ducks are in a row( for the time being). I am a happy camper. 

Bits and Blessings

The past few days have been really exciting for me. I got a second job which will help with my school costs. I am filled with gratitude at the opportunity. It will be fun working at Soma. The intimate apparel store. Soma is a brand known for high quality and being able to help all kinds of women. They go up to a 44G cup, which is awesome. This covers more sizes than most other brands.This will give experience and the opportunity to be able to have less debt for grad school!

In addition, I was offered a scholarship!

They will be taking a few grand off of my tuition! It takes a pretty significant portion away of my worry. The scholarship I was awarded was for academic merit. I am so unbelievable blessed. 

There has never been an offer made, to me, for academic achievement ever. I am not  that strong of a student. I haven't been since I was little. Everyone has strengths and book learning is not mine. I have been so blessed. I mean I am just a few thousand closer, but that is so much better than before. 

Money is the biggest stress currently. It keeps me up late at night, it will continue to get better. The closer to my goal, the better I feel about my choices. I hope that I will be employed soon after graduation and I will pay off any debt I have then. For the sake of progress small sacrifices have to be made.

 

Peace and Blessins, Peace and Blessins

I am so blessed! It has been crazy amazing. If you read my blog at all regularly you know money stresses me out. I have been given a great opportunity. We have a lot of projects that need to be done and I will be able to work a significant amount of over time. Which means I will get paid time and a half! This will help me make a dent in what feels like the impossible.

I will be making an extra couple thousand by the end of the summer. 

In addition, payday is today!

This is my link to my GOFUNDME:

 https://www.gofundme.com/atauywxk

Please donate! Help my dreams become a reality.

Normally I don't discuss the fact that I am super religious,but God is so good to me. He listens to my prayers.  And I am so full of gratitude. I will be able to be prepared for my future and what ever other things will be coming my way.  

I hope other opportunities come my way. 

Peace and Blessins

Sara

The Year of the Monkey

The Lunar New Year has been something I celebrated since I was little. We celebrate with ordering American Chinese food. This year is going to be an exciting year. In 29 days I will be heading on an adventure of a life time. I will be heading to China! This has been a dream come true. It has been on my bucket list. I will be heading to

 Cheng Du:

,

 my Aunt and Uncle currently live there. 

We will also be going to Xi'an:

, 

Hong Kong:

, 

Beijing:

 

Shanghai:

 

This is a once in a life time opportunity. 

Every time I travel, I feel like I am exposed to a new aspect to myself. When I went to Europe I felt like I finally understood where I came from. Being of European descent  I was able to see where my family used to be. It shaped my ancestors and lead to me. Having an understanding of that is really important. Conquering China will have a big influence on my life. The Asian culture permeates life and I feel like I will have a more realistic view of the world. I will be able to see poverty I have never witnessed before. I will be a total minority, I won't speak the language. I feel like those kinds of extremes teach important life lessons. 

I will be boarding a plane in 29 days and counting! Lets see where this adventure takes me.