99 problems and a stitch is... all of them

When I was a little girl my mom would make me Easter dresses and every Halloween costume I can remember. That is one of my favourite memories. We still have a few of those dresses. I decided for this year, I needed to learn a new skill or better a skill I already had. So I decided to work on my sewing skills. I want to be able to make things for my future kids, my nieces and nephews, and my friend's kids. I decided to make matching dresses for me and my cousin Sophie; we share the same birthday. I chose Violet Field Thread Patterns because I thought they were so stinkin' cute! I chose the Chloe for my little cousin and the Harlow for myself!

How cute are these:
Chloe:

Harlow:

(these pictures are the ones that come with the pattern, and are probably copywritten)

I took a sewing class in college. It was two years ago. I started with the basics and lets say I am rusty. I had to ask for a lot of help on my first project. I made a dress. Its super cute. I won't post pictures of it. This one will be much better.

One day wondering through Joann's I found the perfect dream fabric. It took weeks for it to wait to be on sale. 

I picked fabric from Joann's. Its apparel fabric. How cute is the circle lace?

Printable patterns are my new favourite thing! You can reprint them as many times as you want. I love that because now I can make these dresses for as many girls as I want. 

First I pinned and cut the lining, Lining, when cutting, always feels crunchy to me. Pinning is honestly the hardest part. Make sure the fabric is smooth and on the grain.

Then I pinned the pattern pieces to the lace and cut those.

I was really glad. The sewing really took no time at all. I was really pleased with the result.

Today I finished my second cousin's dress! Its so cute!

I didn't really take pictures in between. I will be completely honest, I get manic once the needles are involved, but here is the finished product.

My gorgeous mother is presenting:


and here is a close up:
 

The skirt is fully lined as is the bodice. I am really am proud of it.

I can't wait to see it on her!

I Love Rejection!

The past few days have been really amazing. As many of you know, I was admitted to Swansea University. I am so unbelievably excited to attend. I mean I literally can walk from campus to the beach. Granted, it is Wales, therefore very very cold ocean.  

I mean, who wouldn't want to live in a place like this!?

Anyway. I have been waiting to hear from the last university I applied to; it would have been great. I would have been in North Carolina. It would have been expensive, but it was something I was willing to pay. 

On Saturday, I got the last response! 

"Dear Miss Hopkin,

We regret to inform you that we are unable to offer a position in our program."

Since applying for school, I hoped to only get into one school. All you really need is one acceptance. And there are many reasons to not be offered a position. My self-mission and goal may not align with what they teach, or there are a lot of people who applied for the program, or a many other reasons. 

I felt very confident in my decision to go to Wales before I knew about the other responses. It makes it really easy to decide where to go when there really isn't an option. This made everything really awesome and most importantly simple. There have been so many choices over the past few years; it is a relief to not have to make yet ANOTHER one.

The challenge to apply for visa is the next step. I had to get finger printed, which is cool.  Now  I have the potential to be charged with crimes, because they have my finger prints. Not that I would ever do anything to require using those.  My worst crime I have ever committed is jay walking. Other agencies have my finger prints. I mean I do work in a hospital for children. It will be nice to get this next step done. 

The Story of Anxiety Girl

A baby girl was born not breathing and that is how she gained her name: Anxiety girl. If she wasn't held she would cry, She was easily startled and afraid frequently as a child. At about four years old she decided she didn't wan to be afraid anymore. So she played pretend. She decided to be outgoing. She tried to make friends. And she started school. She wondered why people were mean.  She didn't fit in. She small and white, which is nothing like the other people in her school. As she grew up nothing really changed. She was still anxious. People were still challenging for her.

She still has problems with the anxiety. Every time she starts taking steps toward her future she freaks out, shuts down and feels dejected. If she has an argument she feels like she will lose their friendship. She thinks about it for hours afterwards, internally smacking herself for every perceived faux pas. If she has a disagreement with her parents she knows that as illogical as it is that they will kick her out and won't want to see her again. That she is no longer a priority and that she needs to start packing. Luckily she can logic her way out of most of these feelings now. As a child not so much.

She is working on it. A little bit every day.

Peace and Blessins, Peace and Blessins

I am so blessed! It has been crazy amazing. If you read my blog at all regularly you know money stresses me out. I have been given a great opportunity. We have a lot of projects that need to be done and I will be able to work a significant amount of over time. Which means I will get paid time and a half! This will help me make a dent in what feels like the impossible.

I will be making an extra couple thousand by the end of the summer. 

In addition, payday is today!

This is my link to my GOFUNDME:

 https://www.gofundme.com/atauywxk

Please donate! Help my dreams become a reality.

Normally I don't discuss the fact that I am super religious,but God is so good to me. He listens to my prayers.  And I am so full of gratitude. I will be able to be prepared for my future and what ever other things will be coming my way.  

I hope other opportunities come my way. 

Peace and Blessins

Sara

My Desperate Attempt at Taking Control of my Future and Other Half Baked Ideas

I decided in a fit of desperation that I should attempt to come up with my own way of paying for grad school. Though I am kind of morally against begging or asking people for money I feet overwhelmed with the price tag that will soon be looming over my head. And I thought of different ideas of possibilities... My college go to was " if the college thing doesn't work out, then I will be a dancer in Vegas". Then I realized that I would be mortified with my life choices if I would follow through with that and give a last stitch effort to avoid it at all costs.

Now I am "educated". *quick side note* IT TAKES FOREVER TO GET YOUR DIPLOMA. I mean it has only been six weeks, but waiting for that piece of paper has stressed me out. It feels like my diploma will make it seem more real, that I am a college graduate and I am not just taking a break from school. 

I am currently working. My job consists of unstapling, scanning, purging old folders and chart room maintenance. My desk partner, sits in front of me and on a near daily basis asks me " Wouldn't you rather bus tables or something... anything else?" I enjoy being employed and my coworkers are awesome. I feel appreciate for the monotonous work I do and it keeps the flow going for everyone else. And this has eased some of the stress of which I will be responsible. There is still a significant portion of this that won't be covered. I have applied for second jobs, the kind that pay next to nothing. But next to nothing is a little something and I am okay with that. Legal income is legal income. Unfortunately, I am told time and again I am over qualified and so they will not have any positions available to me. And that is becoming an ever increasingly annoying back handed compliment. I mean I applied for the job, I obviously want it. Agh! Oh well, maybe I will find someone who needs a nanny in the evenings a few nights a week. 

Because of the job rejection, My anxious feelings about money became worse. I decided at about 3 in the morning that a GOFUNDME would be a good idea. Now I don't believe anything in life is free. It would be nice to be wrong, but its just not. GOFUNDME has given people opportunities to gain financial assistance as well as give as generously as they feel they can be. These two concepts are things I am very supportive of. In fact, I have donated to a few causes. I had to reevaluate my feelings about doing this. 

I am a prideful person. And I was initially ashamed that I did this. And I haven't been given much. But I am so grateful to have what I have been given that I have no reason to be upset. This isn't below me. There is nothing wrong with needing help.  

Here is another link to my campaign. 

https://www.gofundme.com/atauywxk

Stress, Panic, Money: the Cycle of Postgraduate Thoughts

The last few months, I would talk to people and realize no one actually knows what they are doing in adulthood. This is an epiphany that happened when I was 14, when a 40 something year old man made fart jokes for about an hour(that event broke my little heart). We are all just winging it. It is easy to imagine that two hundred years ago when the struggle for survival, let alone success, was a challenge that knowing what one was supposed to do with their life was much easier. It was a "Do what you have to in order to meet your basic needs and the needs of your family. The family you had to have in order to not die" kind of thing. Now its like "Do what makes you happy, no matter what it is. Go have fun now." And honestly its not really working for me. I have had some direction. 

At least in my life, I have been told, " Sara after high school you will go to college and then live the rest of your life". 

Well I did that. I graduated.

 

 I am now considered an educated adult and I have a piece of paper that is supposed to tell the world I know what I am doing....  

I totally don't though. Not a freaking clue. 

I am now in the "and live the rest of your life" section of the aforementioned life goal. Well in case you feel like saying that to a soon to be graduate of university. Do not: I repeat do not do it. In case you forgot, the average college graduate is  between 22-26. They still have the majority of their life left. That leaves a lot of unknowns for  what"the rest of you life" actually entails. And it feels like jumping off a cliff blindfolded and you don't know if you are jumping into water or lava or you will be smacking your face on the ground. But you do it because you "supposed to".

Subsequently, I have decided to go to grad school. I will be attending Swansea University in the Fall. \

That's right! Wales. I will be writing another blog post about that eventually. Needless to say, I am excited. But before I was admitted into any of the Universities I applied to, I was floundering. Between the desire to be done with my undergrad and not knowing what I was going to do next with my life there was a phone call to my mother that usually went something like this. (Specifically referencing the last call home):

Me: Hi, Mom.

Mom: Hi Sara, how is it going?

Me: I am quitting college. I am done. I have nothing else to give.

Mom: Sara, you have worked to hard to quit now. You have like two weeks left! That's one week of class and finals week. And we already paid for airplane tickets so you have to graduate, 

Me: Fine... okay Mom, I will do it. I am not happy about it though.  

That happened pretty much the entire semester. I am a goal oriented person. I need plans and contingency plans. Direction is so important. And having no direction led to panic. Lots and lots of panic. 

Which reminds me of a childhood anecdote.(In complete honesty, I don't remember this story, but my Daddy has told me it every time I freak out over anything. I have heard it so often its almost like I remember... okay not really but here it is.) I was crying and freaking about out about something. And my Daddy walked up to me and asked me what I was doing. I said sniffling," I am panicking." My Daddy said "Why are you panicking" " I said" I don't know." And Daddy said " Then stop." And I was all like" Okay Daddy." and I snapped out of it. Moral of story freaking out doesn't help but I panic anyway. 

Before graduation, I was able to find employment at home. I have some kind of income and something to keep me busy. I am really grateful for this. Life requires income. And without income you can't get anywhere. It is a vicious cycle of needing money to get an education so you can make more money. Which leads to the last piece before the cycle starts again. 

My grad school, in the Wales, will only cost me $20,000 in tuition( I convert everything back to American for ease of my own planning). Which is the cheapest grad school program I have found. Yay for European Adventures being cheaper than staying in the States! Being the very type A person I am, I have made lists for everything, cost, things I will need to bring, classes, schedules for classes, potential living situations, and this list of lists continues. 

*Secret time* I LOVE budgeting. Now I am not the best at sticking to my budget, yet the arbitrary financial planning gives me a sense of control and I calm down significantly.

I have calculated that with the current exchange rate and cost of living and the recommended funding by the University. I will be needing $50,000. When I realized this my heart sank. I have never had that much money. ever. And what was I going to do. Even with my job I will only be making $14,000.00. I have applied for more scholarships and grants than I can count. Money is so unbelievably stressful. And as a very last resort I did something I really truly did not want to do. I created a go fund me account. I call it desperation. I mean every little bit helps. So its worth a try right?

Here is the link even a few dollars adds up quickly. 

gofundme.com/atauywxk  

I know its along shot but if you could donate to my future I will make sure to pay it forward. The being able to financially support myself gives me anxiety levels that can't be healthy. And it keeps me up late at night. 

Now that I am at the end of the cycle, it will start all over again. I know I can't be the only one who is experiencing this. So let us freak out over life together. 

I should start meditating. 

Here is to 2016: live aggressively

Last year, ended with a bang, a neighbors fireworks to be specific. And now is the normal time for self reflection. I don't need to share it with the inter-webs but last year was difficult in most aspects. Love life was traumatic. School was stressful and is now over( Woo!). I graduated from Brigham Young University Idaho with a Bachelors degree in Sociology.

This year will be a transition phase for me. I will be working at Cincinnati Children's hospital. And earning money so I can attend graduate school  in the fall. I have two options right now. I can go to Swansea University or East Carolina University. Both are great options for an education. I have already been offered a place to attend in Wales. I am waiting to hear from ECU. I should be hearing from them this month. 

Later this year, I will be flying to China. I will be visiting my aunt. It will be a great opportunity to explore a part of the world that I haven't been to yet. This will be a life goal met. 

My sister will come home from her mission from the Belgium Netherlands mission at the end of April. 

And I will start grad school in August or September, depending on the school. 

I have lots of goals for this year:

I am going to take control of my health and exercise four times a week.

I want to find a scholarship

Go to a grad school

learn to forgive

I am going to be emotionally open and available.

What are your goals?