My mentor and friend Stephen Stokes

I was going through old pictures on my computer and I found this. The man in the picture with me is Stephen Stokes. Stephen died on 1 July 2016. At the age of 67 many feel he left this life much too early. I have been heartbroken since finding out. He taught at my university for decades. He had influence on everyone with whom he interacted. I took every one of his classes. There is not one person who didn't love this man. His classes were usually on what he called "the dirty underbelly of society", he taught social problems (which includes prison, drug abuse, poverty, pornography, rape and so on), drugs and society, race and ethnic relations, and a few others. I learned as much in class as out of class.  He was a teacher and a friend. He was so compassionate. He taught me the importance of kindness.

I was really sick my first time taking one of his classes, I ended up missing close to a third of the classes. I made sure to communicate the situation to him. Participation was a very important part of his classes, though it didn't effect your grade. He gave four tests and a paper, in every class, every semester. At the end of the semester, I was worried I was going to ruin my GPA. In order to maintain my GPA I needed to get an 80% on the last test. After expressing my concerns, the final test grade was released; though I was convinced I had failed the test, I managed to pull an 80.1% . Knowing this was completely impossible, I stayed after class for answer review. There were questions marked correct that were wrong. We met in his office after class was over and I asked him why he did it.
 Stephen Stokes said," You have enough to worry about with your health, you don't need something else to worry about. I know you know the material. Just focus on getting well." That kind of mercy is not common in an academic world.

After that semester I would meet with him frequently to discuss my future plans with my education, social problems, and all kinds of sociological. Those lunch meetings were one of my favorite memories of college. Being able to learn from him was easy, his quiet and easy going manner encouraged even the most stubborn student to have a desire to learn.

I know his family misses him. And I feel bad for all the students who won't have the opportunity to learn from an amazing man.

Risky business: Finding Joy

So the past few days have been a true growing experience. Last night there was a church meeting 18 to 30 women and the younger ones could bring their parents. It was so uplifting. The last speaker really touched me. His topic was "The Joy of Taking Risk". 

My mind bounced from a few different thoughts. What is this guy thinking? Risks and joy, do they even go together? If they do go together, how does it apply to me?

The speaker was named Elder Sinclair. He is an Area 70 in my church. He started with discussing the concept of  performance management. The story of the prince who asked Christ what he needed to do to be with God again. This story is found in  Mark 10:17-22. My interpretation has always been "Okay, he just wanted to know what else he needed to do."

 Elder Sinclair's was different.  The prince wanted a pat on the head and Christ to say "well done my good and faithful servant". Instead, Christ said give up all the things of this world and follow me. 

Doing the will of God leads to joy. I have been more happy doing the things that I know are right. This man left the presence of Christ down trodden. He said he couldn't do what Christ was asking to do. The man was not ready to take the risk.  

Are we ready to take the risks God needs us to take?

The Deep Feels We Don't Share

Seeing as today is Leap day I thought it required a post. I mean I won't get an opportunity like this for four years.

First thing everyone should do is look at the google logo. Its absolutely precious. I mean, who doesn't love bunnies. Its like when a child crawls between parents while they are sleeping.

Second everyone should recognize that Leonard DiCaprio finally won an Oscar. I can confidently say that will is now a prized possession. An entire meme theme will be ended over this. This will no

Make sense, because now he does have one. 

Now for the important part. Today's actual post!

While at church yesterday, I was thinking about the people who have influenced my life. I thought about telling those people before and I had a reaction like this:

and then this:


and finally this:

And if history has anything to say it is that I won't be saying anything any time soon. I considered why I wouldn't do it. And the conclusion was that the fear of rejection was bigger than my fear of not knowing that I care as deeply as I do.  I asked a few friends about it. They had similar reasoning behind them not telling people how much they care.

I think we get caught up in our insecurities and we don't want to show more emotion than the other person. We take our cues from those around us. We are individuals and so we can expect to be anybody but who we are. We don't realize that we radiate energy. The way we feel or we what we are thinking is out there. and we don't know that. It is how you know someone is going to change lanes before they signal. Or when you see a person across the room and know they aren't happy. As people we don't realize that the way we treat people and the way we act is something other people admire. Instead we try and hide behind what we project and the actions of others.

I was trying to come up with ways of overcoming this.

One friend said "You have to not be afraid to say what you need to and don't ever regret it. Unless it was mean. Mean is not the new nice lol"
Now most of you who have read my previous blog posts know how I feel about "what if"s and regrets. I think we would have closer relationships if we were more vulnerable in our relationships. I am going to start telling the people in my life how much I appreciate them. It will be an experiment of vulnerability.