21 Things About Me

1. I love art, especially baroque

2. I don't like breakfast cereal. I eat it less than once a year.

3. I think color is a way to express who I am.

4. Dusk is my favourite time of day- the colors are amazing, the light refracting off the clouds is gorgeous

5. June and September are my favourite months. June has fireflies, September is when the leaves start changing

6. Fall is my favourite season. 

7. The feeling of sun rays on skin is why I like summer. It makes me feel alive. Vitamin D is good for that.

8. Movies about overcoming racial inequality are my jam. Remember the Titans, McFarland USA, Lee Daniels the Butler, and a few others make the list. 

9.  I love water, but I don't like ice

10. Red is my color. I wear it all the time. All shades work for me, but I prefer bold or robust hues. 

11. I am a shoe person. Heels might be bad for your feet, but I enjoy them. The higher the better.

12. I am the oldest child and the has been a unique challenge. I have always wanted an older sibling. You can't retrograde add siblings.

13. I am really smell sensitive. Dish water from a dish room and rubber make me feel ill.

14. I love fruit teas. 

15. Herbal tea is the way to go, I use caffeine for medicinal purposes.

16. In my family, we love ice cream. And I love ice cream, gelato, and sorbet. 

17. Traveling is my way of resetting my stress level. I used to take a lot of weekend trips in school. I am glad I had a car. I feel trapped when I can't move around. 

18. Sushi is my go to food. I love it

19. In the Victorian Era, messages were sent with flowers and their assigned meanings. I think that it is so romantic. I hope to have a relationship where I get flowers like that. 

20. I think plants make homes more relaxing.

 21. I miss people so deeply, I get awkward when I see them again.

Obsessive Ruminating and Other Forms of Self-Torture

Ruminating is a verb that means to ponder deeply, or to chew the cud(like a cow). 

I have a problem where I ponder too deeply on things. I go from "oh the sun is bright today" to "wow, what if the sun exploded right... now!" and every other random sun related thought for a few minutes until I get distracted by something else. 

Valentine's day was Sunday. I love Valentine's Day. Yes, to many it is a hallmark holiday where people are taken advantage of to give presents they can't really afford and helps the rose, chocolate, and card industries. To me, it is a celebration of the positive influences and all the types of love (which I would discuss but that is a whole other blog post, which I did a few years ago here: http://lifeisworthadventuring.blogspot.com/2013/02/that-feeling-in-your-stomach.html).

This Valentine's Day was full to bursting with ruminating past relationships. It all started with the good moments, the thoughtful gestures, the adventures, the memories that still make me smile. All of those relationships ended for one reason or another whether it was cheating, lack of communication, or we just weren't a good match. Cheating in particularly, makes me feel rage. ( I obviously have strong feelings about it, and I have never cheated on anyone. Its sad that I feel the need to say that.) There are many hurt feels when I think about what I was responsible for with my previous relationships. It was eating me up inside for a large portion of the day. I kind of felt like a failure because they never worked out. I usually put all the blame on myself, even if there is no way it was my fault. 

I felt this:

Then I saw this:

And my reaction was this:

I have been well acquainted with fairy tales since I was little and I had never considered this. What if Cinderella had gone back and gotten her shoe and the prince had nothing to find her, and subsequently never did? Would they have lead separate lives and there would have been no happily ever after? Well that wouldn't have made a very good movie. And it is an over simplification to think that an entire story comes down to one pivotal moment. 

But that picture did teach me something else. Perpetually looking back will keep me from knowing where I am going in addition, to ignoring what I am currently surrounded by. I am currently single, like many of you. And this is the time I can use to try new things, adventure where I want to go without having to significantly consider anyone else. This will essentially be the last times in my life where I can be 100% selfish with my time.. So I decided to stop looking back so much. I will be working on me. And following my dreams: China, Wales and beyond! I will be getting an education. Right now, It feels lonely.

 

But I can appreciate the times when I do feel close, when I talk to close to friends, or create memories with  my siblings and the countless other things I can do with the absence of a significant other. 

I will no longer allow ruminating to control my life or to keep me from progressing. I will not reopen wounds, I will not wonder what I did wrong, I will not inflict blame on myself for things out of my control.

You shouldn't either. Here's to becoming emotionally liberated and facing towards the future.