Internship Teaches me: Patience is a Virtue

Being patient is so unbelievably difficult! I have been waiting for more than two months for my visa to leave for Saudi Arabia. I haven't heard from my boss in almost two weeks. Needless to say I am kinda freaking out. Patience has never been a strong point but it is obviously something I need to learn. I have learned patience is a necessary part of life.

All good things come in time. I have friends who are currently serving missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and many of them have had to wait a very long time for visa if they are serving internationally. I can now to them in a way that I couldn't understand before. I want to leave and get to work on this internship so badly. I will be working in a school being a co-teacher of a class of children between 3-8 year old.I will also be participating in setting up a special needs education program. There will be the first educational conference in February that I will be able to contribute to. I am really passionate about what I am doing and I can't wait to start. My waiting will make me appreciate my opportunities so much more. I am so grateful for this opportunity to learn and experience. I just wish it would come a little bit faster.

I am very lucky to have a school that wants me so to work for them. They have the United States embassy and the Saudi embassy in New York City involved. They also hired an immigration lawyer. I know that everything that could possibly be done is being done. I am here and now letting the fate of this go to the Universe and God. What happens is meant to. I have done all that I can. :)

Treat Others as You Want to be Treated

I am currently studying sociology. And if I have learned anything of personal value that I plan on applying to myself it is: People matter and how you treat people shows the kind of person you are. Life is crazy and rather short all things considered. Life is run by people. Expectations are set by people. The system is set up by people. People govern other people. If we, mankind, forget the value of people we lose some of our own value. We are fickle, emotional, crazy yet lovable beings. We far too quickly forget that other people feel just as deeply about things as we do. We feel misunderstood because we mope in our own little corn of reality. By researching people I have found that life and it's problems are repeated in every life on this planet. The circumstances might be different but by the end of life we all go through hard things, we all have to make uncomfortable decisions. Everyone gets hurt whether physically, emotionally, or mentally.

Since most people acknowledge this shouldn't we try to work around it? Shouldn't we try our hardest to spare others the pain we have already gone through? Or is mankind really so selfish that we want all people to feel the pain we have and are willing to let others suffer so that we feel justified?

Thoughts like these have been swirling around in my head since mid term. It breaks my heart to see people getting hurt.

I have found that people justify their actions so much that they don't think they are doing anything wrong. They are willing to tear down the character of the person being hurt by their actions. They get defensive when their actions are questions with genuine curiosity.

I have seen this repeatedly through out my entire life. During elementary school all the way to the present. And the problem is only getting worse. People are becoming so individualistic and self focused that they can't see beyond their own reasons.  And I think that is one reason why there is so much conflict and so many communication problems.

Self reflection is healthy. Please consider if your actions have hurt anyone. And then commit to get better. It doesn't need to be a complete  self demolition to rebuild.

I know I am not perfect at this. My blunt, kind of over the top personality offends many and people don't understand what I mean. I now am committing to fix this. There is so much good in the world, that should be the focus. I don't want to be the reason someone is hurting. If I have hurt someone it was not intentional and I hope you can forgive me.

Please, Join me. And look beyond yourself.

Timing

I was having a rough day. I had a fight with someone I care about yesterday. BY the end of the argument I was doubting myself. I felt like I had no value. Fighting and conflict are ugly. And they ruin things. I avoid it at all cost. I am an argumentative person yet I hate conflict. The irony is astounding. I am a walking contradiction. But this video made me smile and realize I was being too hard on myself. That no one person or conflict should make me feel that way about myself. I needed to hear this now. I am guessing anyone who reads my blog does too.video link
People need to remeber their value.
Peace and love,

Sarr

The Cake Analogy

The past few months I have been thinking about a lesson I learned when I was 13. The example went like this. A really nice cake with beautiful piping was presented on the table. It was a few days old and was starting to go stale. It would have still been really good. Our teacher asked us if we wanted some of the cake, we responded positively. And she threw it away. She went into another room and brought back a better, fresher, more elaborate cake. The teacher just continued the lesson talking about how hard work and diligence pay off, and not to settle for something good when you can have something great. This has been the life lesson for the summer. Don't settle for okay grades. Don't accept with mediocre relationships. Put forth the effort to be amazing. When you do all that you can that is when you succeed. Anything worth having is worth working for. I have officially decided to work at school and my relationships. I will have my cake and eat it too.
                               

School and Other Shananigans

Hey World,
 It has been months since I have blogged. Life came up and well blogging was the think that had to go. Over the past 5 months the following has happened:
My friend Annie got hitched.
I worked at Children's Hospital working on Hereditary Cancer Databases and assisting with research.
I took Sociology 111, Child Development online. I almost failed my Child Development class. Long story short I proved my professor wrong muahahaha.
I went to Arizona to visit family on vacation.  I love my family.
I met people who I plan on having in my life for a long time. I had friends who I have grown apart from.


I am now on my Junior year at BYU-Idaho. I am taking Sociology of the Family, Sociology of Religion, Sociological Explorations, Race and Ethnic Relations, And an Ethics class that they call Foundations Capstone. The first four classes are the hardest combination of classes in my major. They are all really demanding classes that involve a lot of reading and essay writing. I am excited for the challenge. I do believe the stress may be the end of me though. I am looking into graduate school currently. I want to go into Child Life. This is the school I really want to attend for my schooling.  http://www.apac.org.uk/  As you can tell from the URL it is a school in the United Kingdom, they have some of the best international training programs. These next few semesters will determine if I can get into their program. Most of the training takes place over weekends so I will be able to work during the week.  Yay monies! I hope it works out. :)

Going to Sleep and Other Adventures

Last night, I was laying on my air mattress bed at my cousins house; I am staying with them until my friend's wedding. I was trying to fall asleep. It just wasn't going to happen. So I just started thinking... and thinking and thinking. I am turning 20 this year. I am going to be two decades old. A lot has changed in 20 years. I am gonna go out on a limb and guess even more will change. Some of it I see being for the better. I realized last night that with almost twenty years under my belt. I don't have a ton of experience but I have enough to get by. I have adventured and traveled more than most people my age, which I am grateful for. I think it has made me into a more understanding person. I have been able to meet people and to learn from what they have told me. The national average age of deal for women is 78.2, that means I am 25.5754% through my life. If I happen to live an average life span I get 58 years left on this Earth. I am so excited to be able to learn and see where I end up. It is just crazy to me to think that I only get almost 60 years.  I know people who are 60 years old. And to think I have that much time left just kind of blew my mind. I strongly think that life is short. We have so much to learn. We never know when our time will be over. Today, when I found out about the bombing at the Boston Marathon, I was shocked. I was sad someone thought that it was a good group of people to go after. I think no one has the right to end another person's life; even if I think they really do deserve it. I hope Boston becomes safe again. I am really glad so few people died. Everyone needs to be careful, we have gotten a little to complacent.
Stay Safe!

Sara

This is what I Believe

       In my church, The church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint, we have general broad casts every Spring and Fall. And I felt really inspired to share what I believe. I know Jesus Christ came to this world and lived the perfect life and died for all of us, for you and for me.  I know that His sacrifice was for every sin I will commit. I feel his love and compassion when I serve other people. Whenever I am feeling low that I can turn to Christ and through small acts of charity I can come closer to him. I know that the Church was restored and that Joseph Smith was the person who had the blessing of assisting is restoring the truth. I know it didn’t have to be him. In a letter from Joseph Smith it says “Our missionaries are going forth to different nations . . . the Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.” God could have chosen anyone to do His work, but Joseph Smith was the one who approached God and was willing and prepared to lead in the work. We all can be tools for God’s work if we are prepared.

     All things that we do should be to bring forth the plan of God. I know that we should try and love as purely as we can. God loves us all equally and individually. He loves all of the things that are unique or odd about each of us. I know He created me in His image. He made me the way I am on purpose. He thought this is the most beautiful version of who I can be while still in my human, accident prone state.

     Through the atonement that I can live with God the Father of my spirit; and because of that I can have the blessing of being with my family forever. If I live righteously I will get to be with my family. I cannot think of a greater blessing.

      Every challenge I have been given whether physical, emotional or mental has made me grow into the person I am now. I am actually really grateful that I am being pushed into being better. I am way more understanding and forgiving because of what I have been through. I know that in this life I will continue to be challenged and that I can become an even more Christ-like loving person. God has a plan for each one of us and if we let Him guide us and follow in His way we can go to places that we never thought were possible; become a person we didn’t know we could become.

       We need to endure to the very end. Every time things start getting hard there is a part of us, as humans, who want to give up. Every time we start thinking that way there is a little voice in our heads that says just keep trying. That voice is the Holy Spirit pleading with us to use our agency or ability to choose to pick ourselves up and try one last time. I know God doesn’t let anything happen to us that He knows we can’t handle. 

       We need to just let ourselves be the best we can be. 

This is what I believe.

It has been a while

My head has been on fire. I am tired. Stress is eating me like the boy from Matilda and that cake. I had a really good day. Its was nice to get out of Reburg for a few hours, eat healthy, and shop a little bit. I have been working most of the day on math. I have a four part final for my statistics class. It will be insane. I am kinda nervous for it. The weather was beautiful today. It was mid 50s and super sunny. I didn't even need a jacket! In Idaho that's pretty warm for this time of year. I am grateful all the snow is gone!!!!! I have great roommates. They make me laugh :) two weeks and I will be in Utah. God please help me!

Love,

Sara

Six Countries One Month

I went to Europe with my university. I studied the development of religion and how it effected the United States. It was fascinating. We started in Rome, Italy. We went to the Vatican City and learned about the art and expressing of faith as a Catholic. We learned about the great divide. We went to Florence,Venice, and Padova. They were beautiful and every city had its own culture in one country. It was so free. The cities were a beautiful maze of the growing new with the ancient culture of the Romans. The people were so loving and kind. Th Gypsies and the poor were basically ignored. It was heart breaking and made me grateful the United States attempts to help their citizens. Then I traveled to Austria. We learned about the Nazis and how the concentration camps effected the lives of the Austrian citizens. We went into a salt mine. Then we went to the Czech Republic. It was beautiful and the food was amazing. It looks like something out of a movie. The colors and architecture are so classic. Afterwards we went to Germany and learned about the Cold War and saw the Wall. I went to Wittenberg and saw the Church where Martin Luther nailed the 95 theses. It was very similar to the US. I then went to Paris and Versailles. It was beautiful. The French people have an authentic way of looking at life. Comradery is everywhere. The people were not closed like I had been told.Notre Dame was breath taking, the stained-glass must have taken hours of pain-staking work.  After my time in Paris. I flew to England. I went to the theatre and saw Big Ben and the Tower of London. The diversity of the United kingdom was amazing. It was so refreshing. Over all I loved the trains and the shopping. My goal was just to experience as much as I could. I bought art, tasted food, and met people in ways that I may never be able to again but I hope to go back.

The notebook and other sob stories

So last night I talked with my roommates. Comforting one( she is awesome but totally doesn't see it. This will be a topic I discuss in later posts. It really bothers me.) And just talking about growing up. It was eye opening. Then Lauren my room roommate and I watched the Notebook. Every time I watch this movie I have a new realization. I know its kinda weird but that movie applies to a lot of people. While watching I realized that I knew I was transferring schools. I was secretly fighting it nail and tooth. I don't like moving. I have friends who love me. The classes are straight forward and easy. All of this is pretty hard to leave. I know I stay somewhere as long as I am needed or as long as there a lesson I need to learn. I have learned most of what I can from BYU-I so it is time to move on. I also learned that letting people care about you may hurt them but the support and love are worth it. I have pretty much always believed that people are out to get me and that letting people get to know the real me will leave me heart broken and betrayed. That changed last night. I have to let people in or else I can't help others. It was really hard to watch Noah look so upset when Allie forgot who he was again. Seeing all the pain that her condition caused hurt me. I know that someday I will fall apart. I may not forget the people I love but there may come a day when I can't really move or participate in life. Getting old does that to people. I get upset now for causing other people pain. I can't imagine what it will be like when I have kids and grand-babies. The circle of influence grows with age and thinking of hurting people makes me feel nauseous. I also learned that rushing things will just blow up in my face. Life is short but the days are long and I should try and learn as much as I can while I am here.

Well those  are my thoughts via the Notebook.

Love Sara

Songs

Music has this crazy ability to tap into the emotions of the human psyche. Pieces of music can bring tears to people eyes or bring back fond memories. Its crazy to me. I have had "Catch My Breath" by Kelly Clarkson stuck in my head for the past few days. I love this song the message is one I personally connect with and is motivating to almost anyone who has gone through hardship. The past few days I have been in a funk but this song brings me some relative calm.

I am grateful for good music.

Love,

Sara

That feeling in your stomach

The past month has been awesome. Classes have been great. I am learning so much. I am learning things that I will be able to actually use. I have met some wonderful people. I am so lucky to have a reasonable month of weather. The snow has been gorgeous. The wind hasn't been awful. I have gone on dates with some amazing people. Some of whom have made a large impact on my perspective. Today though, I have a weird feeling in my stomach. It came about a while ago but I just didn't give it any thought. I see people all the time holding hands and looking so genuinely happy they almost glow and I want that. I mean who wouldn't? Who wouldn't want to have someone they can completely confide in, who treats them how they deserve. I have been single. There is no one who wants to hold my hand. The feeling in my stomach is the feeling of being unwanted. Most people would probably attribute this feeling to Valentine's day being on this past Thursday, but that isn't it. I love Valentine's day. I think love and appreciation for others needs to be celebrated way more often and Valentine's Day is the one chosen day to make a special effort to show that we care about the people in our lives. We should be doing little things everyday, listening, seeing how they are doing, making small efforts, etc. Bur Valentine's day should be when we say it. It shouldn't be just through actions it should be words too. Look someone deep in the eye and say "I care for you. I will never do anything intentionally to hurt you. I love you." To me there are hundreds of kinds of love but only one word to cover it all. People love their pets and they love their significant others but it isn't the same kind of love. I love food but it isn't the same way I feel about my family. I have pretty much always thought February 14th was the best holiday. Growing up when everyone in your class gave valentine's it was the one day when my crush of that school year gave me the time of day and told me he "loved" me. Later it was being able to see couple's and how much they care for each other. Love is a delicate thing that we need to work and growing more of. So much good comes from pure un-needy love. I enjoy seeing other people so happy. I am to the point where I would be more than okay with having a relationship like that. I have yet to find one. And that is the feeling in my stomach. The feeling of deep rooted doubt that anyone could see what I view as blatantly obvious flaws and actually love me. Or that anyone would want to take a step up and even try. It is kinda heart-breaking to actually admit this but I have serious doubts and normally I am an upbeat happy person. It has been in the back of my head for a while. That quiet voice telling me it won't happen, I know that it will at some point in time. I just don't want to be left behind. Almost all of my college friends have someone and t is starting to feel lonely. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I have great people who I know love me in my life but part of me wants that best friend who I fall in love with.

Don't forget people do love you.

Love,

Sara

Obstacles

Today is a day of huge change. I really struggle with trusting people, to the point where I push most people away. Its a really counter-productive self-defense mechanism. For the longest time I haven't trusted anyone but myself, God and Jesus. I am still convinced that at the end of the day they are the only beings I really need. I mean my parents weren't even on the list. I am pretty sure I didn't even trust myself most days. I was so scared of getting hurt or being betrayed I would have rather been alone than risk anything.

Today I realized that most people feel the same way I do. They are looking for insult, that people's words are having a secret double meaning that intends to hurt them. I realized how unhealthy that mentality is. Its like no one can talk without worrying that they need to be defensive. If we would all talk to each other and realize that we aren't victims a lot more could get done.

Realizing this made me think of one of my favorite quotes byMarianne Williamson: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

We need to be open to growth with ourselves and others.

Today and forward I will be open. I will trust more. I will acknowledge that I am not a living target and that other people feel like they are.

New Year New Challenges: Bring it!

I have been reflecting over the past year and it was crazy. I figured out at the core level who I am. I went to two weddings. I went to Europe. I adventured. I saw things I never thought I would have na oppertunity to see. I grew as a person. I let friends go, they were having a negative impact on my life and now they are gone. It was a hard lesson to learn but it was worth it. This next year will be awesome. I look forward to switching schools. I am finally starting on my major. I still have yet to determine where I will be doing that, but I should know by March.

My resolutions:

Keep working on me
   - Be more open to relationships
   - Be kind
   - Think before I speak